tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1172662451289720866.post6101990475225568017..comments2023-12-18T02:23:35.006-08:00Comments on From Another Angle: Choose your own storyBetsyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14081028753392935123noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1172662451289720866.post-75096566822285458732009-07-28T17:00:13.002-07:002009-07-28T17:00:13.002-07:00Oh, anticipating an objection: the running outfits...Oh, anticipating an objection: the running outfits comment does give a sense of all three, though it is spartan, because the reader can see a lot just knowing that the place is the sort of place where people have trouble adjusting to exercise garments... I liked the other two better only because there was more tension about where the story's ideas would go. The running garments probably gives the most foreshadowing of human drama.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1172662451289720866.post-26825256212192849592009-07-28T16:57:42.572-07:002009-07-28T16:57:42.572-07:00I liked a lot of these as first lines, and would p...I liked a lot of these as first lines, and would preserve some of them within the interior of the story. You need to grab attention more than once, especially if you wander along in loops of abstract thought, like your brother, or teach easily distracted pubescents like you. <br /><br />My favs from most to least (though least is still strong):<br /><br />She leaned out from one window in the grid, a reminder..<br /><br />The overflowing garbage can was really a fountain of youth..<br /><br />(Though I think I'd rather have the possessives that follow be plural)<br /><br />No one in my neighborhood ever got used to my running outfits.<br /><br />They all give a simultaneous sense of setting and character, while introducing some human complication. This makes me feel not only like I am able to see something, but also like I have a bit of a feel for perspective and an interest in what will happen next. <br /><br />Some of the other lines would make nice comments about setting within the story. But they feel more like captions for pictures than first lines for 'drama.' Depends what sort of story you want to write, of course.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1172662451289720866.post-37133786070056807942009-06-28T06:52:50.624-07:002009-06-28T06:52:50.624-07:00I like "No one in my neighborhood ever got us...I like "No one in my neighborhood ever got used to the sight of my running outfits." That whole issue of being yourself (and the parts of yourself that are cultural) vs. understanding/appreciating/respecting the culture in which you live seems to provide room for so many interesting feelings and reflections.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1172662451289720866.post-83341832862304554682009-06-26T00:07:58.851-07:002009-06-26T00:07:58.851-07:00I'd definitely go with "his raspberries l...I'd definitely go with "his raspberries looked fresher than hers..." So many places you could take that. From the color of the local stands, to the finding of comfort in familiarity and allegiance with a vendor. Perfect.Bretthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05840813711071359058noreply@blogger.com